In which I count my blessings

Today, I was woken up by the two people I love the most in this whole world. And I was initially mad. Like, who wants to wake up having information downloaded into their brain right away? I can’t even remember what they were telling me now.

Mornings are hard for me. I struggle to sleep at night (it’s gotten really bad the last few months), wake up at least once or twice with Little Lion/random wake-ups, and struggle to wake up in the morning. And anger and frustration are my go-to reactions when things don’t go my way. Things like sleeping in until the absolute last second when Honey Badger has to leave for work.

But today is a run day. So, I dressed myself, complained to Honey Badger about not being ready for all the information he woke me up with, kissed Little Lion a few times, and scurried out the door.

As I was leaving, I felt regret strike my heart right away. Why was I so angry? At the two people I love the most in the whole world? Two people who were happy to see me and know that I woke up today?

I thought about this as I was running. And walking (let’s be real, ok?). I’ve thought about it all day, actually. I really shifted my mindset this morning. Why was I mad? Suddenly, I felt so much gratitude for them. So much gratitude.

I really love them. I love Little Lion’s sweet face, his exuberance, his happy “mama’s awake!”, and the way he runs to embrace me. His alligator kisses (iykyk). I love that Honey Badger patiently (and not-so-patiently) loves and cares for me. I love his dedication and hard work. The effort that he puts in to better our family’s life, even when he faces endless rejection.

By the time I got home from my run, sweaty and tired, Honey Badger was getting his shoes on to go. And I was really grateful to see him. My irritation at my wake-up bombardment was gone. Instead, I had reframed the event to be a wake-up greeting from my two favourite people.

This attitude shift really helped me today. Little Lion got sick (again?!). I think he must be picking something up from someone at the church nursery on Sundays. It keeps happening, and it’s making me want to pull him out of nursery. But then, how would we attend church? He would be running everywhere. It’s a predicament.

Anyway, he’s been sick. It makes me sad, and I hope he feels better. He didn’t want to eat much, or drink much, so I pushed a lot of foods that are high in water content, like grapes. Grapes are enticing, and he ate a bunch. He also got in some protein with yogurt and a cheese stick, but he didn’t really eat much else.

Despite that, we had a nice, relaxed day. When he went down for his nap, I had the energy and fire to record a 20 minute video discussing the merits of LB676 (in short, an omnibus bill that would license Certified Profession Midwives and Certified Nurse Midwives to attend homebirths in NE, and allow doulas to be reimbursed through Medicaid). The video will be posted in a 3-part reel on Instagram; you can look me up @littlehomeonshadowlake.

Of coooooourse, the Nebraska Medical Association is fighting back. Why wouldn’t they, when their profits are on the line? They proposed an amendment, AM914, which removes CPMs and prevents CNMs from attending homebirths. Are you kidding me?

These guys really showed their hand big-time. They don’t care about Nebraskan mothers and families. They just want to protect their business interests. I wish I could say it’s the first time, but they have blocked countless bills over the last 40 years in our state.

This really lights a fire in me. I have personally been injured by their efforts, twice. They should know that mothers are fierce lionesses when it comes to protecting their young. While the NMA might have deep pockets, LB676 is a grassroots effort by countless women, families, and professionals in our state. I really, truly, sincerely, hope that the senators listen to us and not the lobbies this time.

My evening ended quietly. I was supposed to attend a class called Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. Unfortunately, Honey Badger was struck by a monster of a migraine, and has been out for the count since 3 pm today.

At first, I was annoyed, which is a horrible reaction… but somehow my first one when he gets these migraines? They come at such inconvenient times, and of course, all I think about is myself. How loving. Between his migraine and Little Lion’s cold, I knew the class just wouldn’t work out. So I stayed home and had dinner and watched a movie with Little Lion.

We cleaned up dinner, and I went on the porch to bring in his slightly-less-stained underwear (thanks, Mr. Sun. Again, iykyk.) inside. Actually, they have significantly improved since yesterday, both in odor and stain. Soooo, I’ll definitely be sun-bleaching again.

Once I opened the door, Little Lion was out in a flash, asking me to come sit with him. The sun was just above the distant tree-line, casting a glorious, golden highway across the lake. The clouds were soft white and gray, swirling and fluffy. The air was fresh, cool, but not cold. It was a perfect evening to sit outside.

So I let him sit outside for a bit. Got him in his pajamas, read his story with the night songs of the birds surrounding us. It was so wonderful. A truly beautiful ending to a strangely nice day. Then I snuggled with him in his bed until he drifted off to dreamland. It took some time to sneak away. The last piece of me to leave was my hand, which he held in a sleep-embrace.

Now they’re both asleep, and I’m just filled with peace and affection for them. I’m so blessed. It’s nice to count my blessings. But I’ve just remembered some things my son threw off the porch, so I’d better fetch them before midnight.

Have a lovely night.

Sierra