In which we all get sick, and I try starting a business

         Well, hello again. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been able to share anything here. Little Lion came down with influenza a, then the next week a terrible cough. Then Honey Badger came down with the flu, I got the cough, and the next week the flu. It was a tough few weeks, and everyone is finally mostly better, although I’m still having congestion.

         Right before I got sick, almost three weeks ago, I had signed up to become an advocate for a clean make-up brand called Crunchi. Being sick really killed it for me, as I couldn’t muster the energy or clear-headedness required to work on my blog or my new business. Perhaps it’s silly, but I almost felt like it was a sign that I shouldn’t do the business. I’m not really sure what I’ll do about it now, to be honest. But it’s a good brand, and the potential to earn a little extra money from home was part of why it interested me so much.

         In January, I rejoined the Bible Study Fellowship near my home. I had been involved in one that was almost half an hour away in the fall, which was really tough with morning sickness and a wild toddler who didn’t want to get dressed in the mornings. I quit it at the end of October and spent the better part of November and December wondering if I should have kept going with it and feeling like there was something important for me to learn from this study. Since they recently started a group near my home, I reached out and reconnected.

         We’re studying the book of Revelation. The last few weeks we have been discussing suffering, why it exists, why God allows it, and what to expect in the final days. I’ll admit, this Bible study has brought a lot of my deep-seated pain up to the surface, and there have been times I nearly exited the group to go have a good cry. I was comforted today though. As my understanding grows, I am beginning to see that in the midst of suffering, God is with me, and that there must be some purpose for this pain, even if it’s simply to deepen my faith and mature me more as a person.

         In November, we had also detached ourselves from our small group, friends that we had been in fellowship with for almost three years. Partly by my driving, I’ll admit. Losing my baby but being around my still-pregnant friends was a pain I didn’t think I could cope with, and Honey Badger felt similarly. We debated not even going back, especially since this small group is based out of a different church than we currently attend. But we’re not well-connected at our new church, and I don’t think it’s fruitful to cut ties with your community without a good reason, so I pushed for us to return to the group and give it another try.

We saw everyone for the first time in several months yesterday, and it was not as painful as I thought it would be. The hardest part was when we closed in prayer, and they prayed over the two expecting mothers and their babies. It hurt because I still feel that I should be pregnant right now and should have been one of the mothers prayed over. It’s tough for me, but I am doing my best to carry on and remain positive. Not that it would negate the loss of my child, but I feel that if I became pregnant again, it would at least give me something positive to look forward to again.

Anyway, we haven’t had much luck in that department, and I recently found out that my thyroid issues may be more serious than I thought. Who knows if or when I will have another baby. It’s hard not to lose hope and implode with sorrow. For now, I’m zeroing in on trying to heal- bodily, emotionally, and spiritually.

On a more positive note, despite being bitterly cold, we finally had a few good snows this past week. It’s really beautiful. The lake is a blinding plane of white, and the hills sloping to the shore blend almost seamlessly with it. The naked trees offer just enough texture to prevent snow-blindness, and it’s so picturesque.

I tried to prepare for snowy weather back in November, but somehow forgot to buy Little Lion snow boots and sturdy mittens (he has some crocheted ones, but they’re not good for snow).  Thankfully, we’re expecting some boots to be delivered today, and his mittens in a few days. Those will open up the outside to play once more.

Until then, we’re trapped indoors, as I try to figure out how to keep my son busy without always being on the tv. Being sick the last few weeks launched our tv into a too-prominent position as an easy source of entertainment, so it’s been a bit of a struggle to encourage him to do other things. We also dealt with some major constipation the last few months, and we’ve been using the tv to encourage him to sit calmly on the potty. The tv really is useful! But I don’t want it on all the time. We’ll have to figure it out, as it’s become a real staple in our parenting toolkit.

Thanks for sticking around and I hope you stay warm in this cold weather. Talk to you soon!

Sierra